THE CHALLENGE: UnKnownliness

Americans are lonely.  At epidemic levels.

David and his wife, Becky, have witnessed this for a long time, and through their experiences, they have come to define loneliness in a particular way. 

They call it Unknownliness.

Unknownliness isn’t being alone.  Unknownliness is not being known.

Americans usually aren’t alone. They are usually surrounded by people at work, at the mall, in the pub, in the church, or in their virtual online worlds.

But, that doesn’t mean they aren’t lonely. Why? Because most Americans are seldom really known.  By anyone.  Including their family, and even their spouse.  

Unknownliness is so pervasive in the U.S. that it has become a way of life for most.  It shapes the way we live, and it robs so much from our lives.  

THE DATA

  • Only 32% of all Americans say they trust their own neighbors.

  • Only 18% of Millennials (ages 25 – 41) say they trust their neighbors.

  • Only 8% of Americans say they talk to their neighbors. (MCC, Harvard)

This pervasive isolation is dangerous.   It’s even killing us.

  • Anxiety and depression are rising at alarming rates.

  • Loneliness has the same impact on mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

  • Young Americans are now considered the loneliness demographic in our nation.

  • The average American now spends over 17 hours every day looking at the screen of some digital device. (OnePoll Survey)

  • Teen suicide rates have skyrocketed by 70% in recent years.

  • Suicide is now the 2nd leading cause of death for ages 10-34 and the fourth leading cause of death for ages 35-54.

  • The U.S. rate of marriage is now at it’s lowest level since 1867. (CDC/NCHS)

  • It is worse for men.  Men now account for almost 80% of all suicides in the U.S.

  • America’s average life expectancy is now actually declining.

  • Americans indicate that they feel unseen, uninvited, unaccepted, and unknown,

  • Many Americans say they have no close friends, struggle with overwhelming feelings of isolation, and live under negative feelings of self-doubt and self-worth. (CIGNA)

This has become our normal.  It is the cultural air we now breathe.

THE SOLUTION: Small is the New Big

One of the worst outcomes of our current culture is that people have few models and few ways of practicing real, genuine friendship.

So, we believe that small is the new big.  We are so grateful that small faith communities were where we found God, learned to love and trust God, and leaned to love and trust others who became life-long friends. This is what the Church has been for us, and it’s what it has been for countless others throughout history.

We put little trust into anything large, regardless of what it is.  Treating people as members, projects, or large movements simply doesn’t work to reduce the loneliness and isolation that exist everywhere.

We believe the solution for the epidemic of unknownliness is friendship. Real, in-person, friendship.

We’ve been a part of creating small communities for 30 years.  And, we love to create time and space for people to really know themselves, know others, and know God. 

We create events and facilitate small, organic, faith communities where people are heard, are known, and share life together.

It may be a cup of coffee with a friend, a small group of men around a fire, or folks enjoying meals and great conversation on the lake or at the house. It’s lots of things, but it’s small, real, and personal.

It’s a way of living that seems to be lost and forgotten in our culture, but we believe it can be found again. And, we believe it impacts the world in beautiful ways.